Creating boundaries teaches others how to treat us with respect
“What you allow is what will continue.”
This is such a powerful quote. You may not realize it, but it gives you control over how others treat you, and what behaviours you will accept. If you find that you are being mistreated by someone, you need to disallow that behaviour. Whether that involves a conversation, setting boundaries, or cutting ties.
Yes, this is a travel blog. And no, this is not really a travel post, but it is a subject that is very near and dear to my heart. This quote changed my life. As a result, I am able to live the life I want and travel often. I want you to live a life you love and travel as often as your heart desires. May this post inspire you to set boundaries and live life on your terms.
You can’t control how others behave, but you have absolute control over how you are treated. Put yourself first. It’s certainly not always easy, that I can attest to, but it is definitely always worth it.
On a personal note, this quote was a game-changer for me. I was going through a particularly challenging time in my life (ending a marriage) when I read it and it really resonated with me.
I read this quote over and over. It finally sunk in. I was allowing myself to be treated unfairly. Interestingly, I had never looked at life this way before, but it is so true. I was continually being treated in an unreasonable manner, but even after countless conversations about it, the behaviour continued.
Sadly, like so many others, I assumed that the behaviour would somehow stop occurring because we discussed it. Boy was I wrong! Each and every time you allow a behaviour to continue, you are teaching that person that it’s okay. Read that again. By allowing a behaviour to continue, you are saying that it’s okay.
Verbally, you may be saying that it’s not okay, but when you don’t physically do anything to stop it, you are contradicting yourself. By physically, I mean removing yourself from the situation or person. Physically leaving. Actions speak louder than words. Actions mean business.
Subconscious or not, that person is learning that their behaviour is okay because you didn’t stop it. Talking about the fact that it’s not okay, yet continuing to allow it, is a contradiction. You must actually stop allowing the behaviour altogether.
It wasn’t until I read this quote (a hundred times) that I had the thought that I could do something about it – I could make a change and not allow it to continue. This wasn’t easy. In fact, in order to do this, I had to sever ties – and that was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. But it was worth it.
We now know that what we allow will continue. At this point, you may be wondering how to disallow a behaviour. Great question! Here are some ways that you can take control and stop allowing a person to treat you in a way that you dislike.
How to set boundaries
- Tell the person how you feel
- Ask them to stop doing what they are doing
- Let them know what you will do if the behaviour continues
- Hold firm on your boundaries
- If the action does not change, you must stop interacting with this person
- Empty threats will do nothing, you must follow through
- Take a break from seeing them or talking to them
- Until you see a change in their behaviour, do not engage with them
- Cut ties with this person, they are toxic for you
- If necessary, block them on social media
For more ideas on how to set healthy boundaries, check out this article from Positive Psychology.
It is important to remember that actions matter, words do not. I can tell you anything I like, but if my actions contradict my words, then my words are meaningless.
“What you allow, will continue.”
This quote changed my life. I was sick and tired of being lied to, treated improperly, and disrespected. I finally gathered up the courage to make a change. This change resulted in me having to cut ties with this person. It was not easy, but I am so glad that I did it. I learned that it’s possible to love someone from afar. Loving a person does not mean putting up with their bullshit.
If you don’t stand up for yourself, who will?
For a great read on discovering who you are and finding your unique genius, check out this inspirational post. Much like setting boundaries, self-discovery is also an act of self-love. If you are going through a tough time in life, make sure you are taking care of yourself. Self-care is of the utmost importance.
If you want to rediscover who you are after surviving one of life’s trials, try going on a solo trip. There is no better way to get to know yourself than by spending quality time with yourself doing whatever you want, whenever you want. Solo travel can be daunting so here’s an article to help you plan the perfect solo trip.
Be sure to pin this quote as your daily reminder to take care of number one, and that’s YOU!